Hey doll, remember that ‘let go of your fear’ post I wrote the other day? Yeah, I want to get into that some more.
I’m currently in the midst of reading Big Magic by Liz Gilbert and even though I desperately want to keep on reading and reading and reading (it’s one of those ‘I’ll just read one more page and then all of a sudden you’re at page 78’ kind of books) I also want to get this message to you for as long as it’s inside my head.
Liz’s book starts with a chapter about fear (surprise, surprise!) and the way she thinks and writes about it resonates with me on every possible level. This is the thing: fear is a part of you. It’s an instinct and a useful one, because it keeps you (remotely) safe. The thing is, as I’ve explained in the former post about the subject, that it also holds you back. It keeps you from pursuing some really rad things and that’s fucked up. What I think you should do (and Liz does too) is that you need to find a balance with fear. Sign a mental contract, make it clear that it’s okay for it to be with you, to hang out whilst you’re living your awesome life, but it’s not allowed to speak up, it’s not allowed to take over, as Liz says it: ‘it’s not allowed to steer the wheel’ (read the book if you want to know why fear can all of a sudden drive a car). Fear will be with you, always, but it should never be able to take over your life and make it into less than it’s supposed to be. It should never hold you back from doing things that will make you feel exhilarated. It should never make you less you.
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” – Thomas Merton
Fear is not the only thing I want to talk about today, though. The thing I want to discuss mostly right now is connection. Not in the ‘am I connected to my WiFi?’ kind of way, but connection with others. Sometimes you just get into contact with someone and it’s real. The first time you talk is goddamn amazing, and you flow well together and you get elevated and excited and you really, really, really don’t want them to have to go home because you have so much you to discuss. And all you want to do is be in contact with them, send them text messages about something you know they’ll like, call them for the sake of calling them, just randomly drop by their house because you need to see them again. But then there’s fear. Fear shows up in that beautiful brain of yours and starts to lay out all the options in which it could go wrong. You could’ve misunderstood and be the only one of the two who felt that connection. They could think you’re crazy for calling them so soon, who does that?! They could just back off, because that’s what people do when they get too much of one person too quickly. And all these scenarios play in your head like tiny little horror films and you think and think and see and listen and you decide to back off because it’s simply too scary.
That’s what fear does to you, it torments you into not doing the things you feel a huge desire to do. It makes you go back into your boring safe place and do the things you’ve always done with the people you’ve known for years and just dream about another life that will never be yours because it’s too much, it’s too scary.
“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
But what if they did feel that connection? Because a connection like that is never one-sided, not with real people. What if they were dying to call you as well, but their fear was fucking around in their brains as well? What if you were the only thing they’d been able to think about for days. How would you feel if you reached out to them and they told you they’d been waiting? How would you feel if you saw each other again and your bond blossomed into a real relationship – either as amazing friends or life-partners. How would you feel if they turned out to be your soulmate and you were big and amazing enough to say ‘no’ to everything your fear had shown you, and your life had turned out better than ever because of it? You would feel amazing, exhilarated, wondrous, just really fucking great.
Sometimes you just have to get over yourself and take the first step, because it’s scary. Because it’s likely to bring you the most amazing things in life, and that makes all the nights of waiting and wondering so worth it. You’re worth it. You deserve an amazing life with amazing people in it. You deserve to share your moments with likeminded souls. You deserve to bloom and blossom.
Go get ’em, tiger.