“There’s no such thing as the perfect soulmate. If you meet someone and you think they’re perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction. ‘Cos your soulmate is the person that pushes all your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis, and makes you face your shit.” – Madonna
A couple of months ago I met someone who set my soul on fire. Someone who brought out things in me I had known were hidden in there, but believed they’d be buried forever. Someone equally freeing and toxic. A soul mate in the way I believe in them: the kind that brings your true self forth and then has to go, because the walls they’ve broken down go deeper, and you don’t want to bring out more than necessary.
Naturally, we spent a lot of our time talking. Talking about ourselves, our past, our futures. He enraged me more than anyone had ever done in such a short amount of time, but at the same time I felt secure in everything I told him. I knew bringing myself forth would be freeing in a way, it would make my life better if he knew, though I had no idea why or when or how.
On one of our endless nights of conversation, I said “You know what? I’d really like to hang out with myself.” To which his reaction was “Yeah, I think you and you would have a pretty good time together. Me and me on the other hand, I’d hate my guts!” I liked the sound of him telling me I was right and dismissed the thought of him and him together. At least, I did until the thought came back to me a few days later, and it worried me a bit.
Sure, who cares whether you and you would hit off good or bad, you’re not going to actually see yourself at a party, so the fights that would take place never actually will, whatevs. But it’s so more deep than that.
Because if you wouldn’t like to hang out with an outer body version of yourself, doesn’t that mean you also don’t take pleasure in hanging out with the inner body version? If you wouldn’t like to strike conversation with you if you saw yourself on the street, doesn’t that mean that you don’t quite like to get into deep thought without constantly being hard on yourself?
If the thought of meeting yourself in real life scares you, I’m afraid for you, because that probably means there’s some shit to work on up there. How can you be confident in hanging out with others and sharing yourself with them, your true self, if you wouldn’t want to do that to yourself?
And how do you stand in all this? If you and you would share a night and a bottle of wine, would it be a night of merriment and laughter, or would both parties end up bathing in blood and with foul words hanging in the air?
Spend some time thinking about this. Please do, because I think it’s a hell of a lot more important than it initially seems. And if the answer isn’t positive, it might be worthwhile to read about The Biggest Love Affair You’ll Ever Have, because I want that you+you party to happen and I want it to be a fucking blast (champagne poppers and all!).
All my love,