A year ago, I lived in the city I love most. A year ago, it was my job to care for someone else’s kids. A year ago, I walked for about twenty hours a week, just because I loved it. A year ago, I thought I had it all figured out, and I was the happiest I could be. And maybe I was, there was a smile on my face most of the time, anyway. But also, I was lonely.
Because a year ago, I lived in a ginormous city, but hardly knew any people there. I spent most of my free time walking, by myself, listening to music and thinking about anything and everything. I had a few connections, most importantly to me, at the time, was one highly unaccessible friend with whom I loved to talk, but life got in the way and I hardly ever got the chance to do so. A year ago, I was having a fantastic time in my dearest London, but truly, I was lonely. And it took me a year to figure that out.
I took a decision, a while ago, to not move back to London because I had accidentally fallen for someone amazing and he kind of rocked my world, so I wanted to see where it would go. When I told people about it, some were wondering whether I regretted it, some were supportive, some didn’t really care, but all were most definitely surprised.
And the strange thing is, I didn’t put much thought into the choice I made, I just made it and went on with my life. It was just this week that it came back to me, and I realised that I did, indeed, make the right choice. Or well, it certainly feels right, right now.
It’s not because I don’t miss the Thames and the crazy people and the absolutely amazing coffee shops that I was so in love with a year ago, because I do, sometimes. But because right now, I am anything but lonely. I am where I want to be, every single day, doing what I want to do, about to move mountains, and I’m surrounded by people I adore.
I chose love, and being the romantic I am, I keep believing that love always has my back (hence the tattoo). I am in a place in which I get to be me, and get to explore what that means exactly. I’m in a constant flow of (radical) change, finding a new version of me every morning and morphing into the person I am actually capable of being (about which I didn’t know before – needed someone else to see that, am eternally grateful to have found that person).
So, you know, the choice was made, and people told me it was weird and dumb and just plain old crazy, but I’m alright. Even better, I’m doing amazingly well. And I’m happy, above all, really happy. And I suppose there’s a lesson in it too: that if we ever have to decide whether we want to be in love with a place, or with a person, it may be pretty worthwhile to choose the person. (Or maybe not, we’ll never know until we try.)