“Had I not created my whole world, I would certainly have died in other people’s.” – Anais Nin
There’s a fear deeply embedded within my being, and that is the pure fright of not living my life well enough. The fear of wasting time, of not being present enough, of feeling dumbed down. And it’s an annoying kind of fear, because it’s painful to my psyche and there’s a restlessness in me whenever this notion crawls its way to the surface. But, as with so many kinds of fear, it is helpful as well.
Not because I actually enjoy my conscious and subconscious to feel haunted by the pain of wasting a life, but because it makes me get off my ass. The fact that there’s this voice in the back of my head, telling me I’m lazy, and that I haven’t done enough yet today, and that I should figure my life out more, and that I will never be able to live well enough is enough to get me to do at least a couple of things that are meaningful to me on the daily. Fear can be a guide, if you know how to handle it. And this particular kind is a helping hand when it comes to mindfully crafting a life that suits you, an existence that is you, fully and completely.
So, rather than shoo-ing it away, I invite the fear into my brain and analyse it, taking out the bits and pieces that might prove to be of service. To me and to my life, and because of that to others and their lives as well. It’s taking and giving, learning and teaching. I don’t plan on dying in the world of another. Authenticity will win, and that will be enough.